I’m Not a Writer..

..I just play one on the internet.

I’m an artist. I make things. I love paper and paint and furniture and beads and chalk and charcoal and string and blah blah blah etc. I like creating little masterpieces out of trash. I see potential in almost everything.

HoarderCraft

I don’t make anything on a constant basis but I sure as hell should. I want to tell you about the things I make. I want to tell you and the whole world about the neat, weird, interesting, genius (and sometimes not so genius) ideas that I come up with. I want to share stuff I find online that’s awesome. Not in an I’m-so-braggy kind of way but more like a HOLY-CRAP-YOU-HAVE-TO-SEE-THIS way.

Writing a blog can be a great avenue for one to express themselves, but blogging isn’t for everyone. Sometimes I don’t think it’s for me either. I thought that I’d be a magnificent blog master by now. I figured I’d be writing so much that my fingers fell off.

Truth is, I don’t even like writing. I have a silly aversion to it. I don’t think I’m all that good at it. I’ve been Facebooking for so long, I often forget how to properly construct sentences. I’m also usually not in the mood to write a damned thing unless I’m cracking jokes.

I write lists all the time to keep track of daily life and my ever rampant ideas, but that’s only because if I didn’t, nothing would ever get done. I can attribute it to ADD. I tend to give up too easily. I could probably write a list of reasons why I don’t like to write.

Oh, the irony. 🙂

My train of thought constantly derails which makes it difficult for me to stick to a topic. I confuse myself a lot. You may end up a tad bit confused by where I’m even going with all of this. Please bear with me. This is my first post since September of last year and that post was just a picture, but pictures ARE worth a thousand words, right?

Visual aesthetics – that’s my thing. Staying consistent, however, ehh… not so much.

Consistency has never really been a strong point for me, but frustration with how my life is kind of upside-down right now because of it, is leading me to make some changes. I started this blog to share art and ideas. I wanted to share my projects and maybe inspire myself to actually DO more of them. I started and… never really went anywhere with it. I have at least 22 unpublished posts. That’s nothing compared to the amount of unfinished projects around my house! I let things pile up and honestly, I think I got bored with it. I pressured myself to make a masterpiece (like I often do) and somewhere along the way, I got too caught up in what everyone else was doing and abandoned ship.

There are 98,209,374,230,414,535,000 (rough estimate) blogs in Internetland and each one is just as unique as the rest. Mine is probably no exception. I’ve followed blog after blog after blog and before I knew it, I was so discouraged about what I’m NOT doing, I just stopped caring. I often wonder if the people who write some of them are even real. I wonder how in the world they have the time (and infinite monetary resources) to make perfectly Pinterest-worthy homes. Maybe some of them are just brand generated robots, or they have someone else doing all the work for them. (Or maybe I’m just not following the right blogs.) I’m sure a lot of them do just bust their butts making stuff awesome, though. But while it’s great to ooh and ahh over their fancy pictures, no matter how inspiring it may seem, it left me comparing myself so much that it really did steal my joy.

Enough of that.

Enough with the self-doubt.

If I can just manage to focus on what’s important to ME and not how perfect I may think others are, then I’ll be on my way to happier times and a blog that reflects who I am and what I’m all about. Perfectionism has been quite the obstacle for me. I get stuck on making sure everything looks good. I want my blog layout to be super awesome and perfect before anyone sees it.  I’ve bought a domain name. I’ve even paid for months and months of hosting. And what did I do with it? Pretty much nothing. However, I do know that no one will EVER see it unless I actually USE it.

So, I think I NEED to write. It’s good for me. When I began this post, I wasn’t even sure what to say or that I’d even be able to write it coherently. My brain is somewhat of a jumbled mess at best. A stroke can have quite the impact on a brain. Brain damage is no joke. I’ll tell you more about that later when I’m brave enough to write my story.

The topic here was to tell you WHY I write. I joined a good friend’s blogger challenge because dammit, it’s about time I did something.

So why do I write?

I write to make sense of myself.

I know that the more I write like this, the more I’ll have to say and the easier it will be to make sense out of it. Funny how things work, eh?

Thank YOU for taking the time to read this.

I’m going to start blogging on the regular now and you’re invited to follow along. I hope you like random shit. I hope you like pictures.

And as a reminder to myself and maybe you too..

QuitProcrastinatingThanks, Batman.

I’ll get right to it.. after I finish this season of Warehouse 13.

Also, screw perfection.

 

axisofineptitude_sm

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8 thoughts on “I’m Not a Writer..

  1. I understand having the need to write even when it might not be exactly what you want to be doing. Also, I hope it helps you make sense of yourself and if it does, tell the rest of us how that works because I know I mostly feel no closer to having any idea what on earth is going on in my head even with the blogging. But I have faith in you!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks. 🙂 I read my post a few times over and questioned myself a little too much… then I said “screw it” and just hit publish. Maybe I can claim over-thinking as a skill. I’m determined, dammit.

      Like

  2. Some of the best posts can come from “screw perfection” moments. If I waited until a post was perfect to hit publish, I’d have not posts. And yes, I like random shit and pictures!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Sometimes it’s amazing what can fall out of your fingertips when you didn’t think you had anything to say. I think this is a perfect example and a great journey through trying to conquer the doubts and fears that we all sometimes face. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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